2018 may now begin

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

For a while, I have been in denial that a new year had started.  I continued to eat and drink as I did in December, which meant I gained back the weight it took me 12 weeks to lose at the end of 2017.  I was also in denial that I would stick to a fitness regime without any big races booked in for 2018.  Finally, after a strong blogging game the last few months, I thought I would be cranking out content in January.

And I did nothing about any of it. 

Not really nothing.  I worried a lot, sat on the couch, drank Jack and Diet Coke after work, and basically carried on worrying about what I was doing to myself.

The fear held me back from making any changes.  

As more time passed, the lower my self-esteem plummeted.  I was getting heavier, un-fitter, and more insecure about my presence on social media and this blog.  Maybe the fact that I lowered my anxiety meds contributed to me feeling frozen in time, unable to take action?  Or maybe the jealously/admiration of my fellow fitness bloggers was just getting the best of me (seriously, they do some pretty amazing stuff)?  It was a pity party for one and I was the guest of honor.

But then I went to a fitness class at Fitness Space in Wapping, where I saw some of my fitness friends.  We did some HIIT, then stretched it out with yoga.  Catching up over delicious food from The Fitology Kitchen, I realized that I do indeed have some exciting stuff going on and I just need to create the momentum again.

One of the things that motivates me is my passion for helping others find being active enjoyable and fun.  As the Happiness Personal Trainer, I strive to inspire other people with ways to make healthy choices a positive rather than a negative.

Let me tell you, I too struggle with these choices.  I have days that I want to stay on the couch eating raw cookie dough and watch Bridezillas with my dog (don't worry, he doesn't get any).

But I have come out of the other side now.  Yes, it sucks that I took a month off and slipped down the slope a bit.  I have made the decision to dust myself off and continue my journey towards health and happiness.  It will be tough at first but I need to get ready for some busy months ahead.  Being physically strong and more confident will make what I have lined up more enjoyable for all.

What changes am I making now that I have my mojo back?

First, I am unsubscribing to all the junk emails I never open.  I have big FOMO with fitness studios and brands but I can't possibly buy everything I get pictures of, nor can I attend all the classes.  I might miss a few cool things, but the fact my inbox won't explode every time I open it will help me feel less overwhelmed.  It might seem like a small thing, but I hope removing these distractions will help me focus on connecting with clients and developing new relationships.

Second, I am donating and E-baying a ton of stuff. My husband and I had a major clear out and reorganised some of our flat which is making him very happy (I tend to have piles of stuff everywhere).  It should also help me be organised with a new system and give me more opportunities to hoover and mop (to make my German grandmother proud).  Lack of pride in the cleanliness of my home is another knock to my self-esteem. I am nearly 40 and struggle to keep shelves dusted and walls white. Getting a cleaner has been on my list of things to do for a while and I hope to book one soon.

To keep things on track, I am going back to my Kikki.K goal planner to focus on the following big goals:
  • Loose 10 pounds (the ones I gained back) by 29 March, when we head to Thailand for two weeks for my brother-in-law's wedding
  • Successfully climb Mount Kilimanjaro on International Women's Day (come with me!)
  • Become a faster and stronger runner by continuing to work with Function360 and doing solo track sessions while my club has temporarily switched nights (gotta keep my BQ goal in sight)

The lesson in of all of this?

Don't worry if you don't have a list of resolutions, intentions or goals for 2018 yet.  

Don't worry if you sometimes lose your way. 

Life ebbs and flows.  In just one day, you can suddenly change direction.  Or you can gradually find yourself on a different course after 365 days.  Have faith in yourself and your abilities.  Do what makes you happy.  Don't be afraid to move the goal posts if you discover things aren't working out as you had planned. 

What gets you going again after you fall off the wagon?  Do you have tips on finding your mojo?  Leave me a comment below so that we can help one another focus on standing back up again rather than drowning in the guilt of experiencing a setback. It can happen to anyone at anytime.  And if it happens to you, please come back here for support and inspiration.

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